Farmhouse Ramblings
By Charlene Watson
Hi, Barnard Banter Bloggers,
Farmhouse Ramblings is a column I have been writing since back in the middle 1960's. It is so named because it allows me to cover various and sundry subjects as I choose to do so. Travis asked me about submitting something to the Barnard Blog so I thought this might give you all a few laughs this week.
This past weekend my husband watched a lot of football and I have to tell you, I never thought I would be so happy to have sounds of football commentary coming from my living room. If it isn’t K-State or the K.C. Chiefs I usually do something else in the house such as write a column, work a puzzle or read a book. This weekend, however, after listening to weeks and months of political bickering and accusations; and who did what to cause this country's financial crisis, football games were a pleasant relief.
I want to share these “NEW financial definitions” I heard this week. They sort of put the things going on in our country today in perspective and tell it like it is:
CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer,
CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer,
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius,
BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no grocery money and the husband gets more headaches.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER - What my broker has made me,
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER - What my broker has made me,
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell,
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-spouse and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves,
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected,
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share,
WINDOWS -What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share,
WINDOWS -What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share,
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse and last but far from least,
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.
Well, you can certainly tell I am a farm wife and know nothing about the stock market because all these years I thought the “Bull Market” was the price we can expect to get for our bulls for when we take them to auction. Shows what I know, huh?
Be assured as history will prove, this is not our nations first mess, nor will it probably be its last. These “quotes from the past show that nothing much has fundamentally changes with time:
Mark Twain said, “If you don’t read the newspaper you are ‘uninformed’; if you do read the newspaper then you can consider yourself ‘misinformed.’” Twain also said, “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress…. But then I repeat myself.”
Winston Churchill said, “I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.”
Ronald Reagan said in 1986, “Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
And finally a quote from Will Rodgers, that great man of wit and common sense, who said, “ I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
(Charlene’s Freelance Publications, Barnard, KS. 67418)
