Farmhouse Ramblings

Farmhouse Ramblings

By Charlene Watson

Once again I will claim the wide and varying writing license given to me by the word "Ramblings" proclaimed in the title of this column to write this weeks wide, varying, and definitely 'rambling' subjects I want to cover.  Clear as mud?  Good, then I feel relatively assured that I have your undivided attention.  As I continue with rapid fire, be alert and follow the changes in subject matter as I switch from one topic to the next.  I hope you can keep up!

We are all caught up in the ups and downs of the stock market; the Wall Street bail out and the idiots camped out in the park in New York City right now.  How can we not be concerned with all that is going on and the affect it will have on our lives and our future?  However, with that in mind and with tongue in cheek, I would like to offer you the following lighter "banter" to break the tension of the situation.  (did you get the little play on words?  Lighter banter for the Barnard Banter.)

When I read the following synopsis, I had to share it with you.  In my defense, before you read this, I am not advocating that you drink beer.  I just thought it was an apt comparison to the values in our recent economy so take it for what its worth.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines, AIG, or Lehman Brothers one year ago, you might have $0.00 return on a good day.  But, if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00 for your efforts.  Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle.  (It is called the 401-KEG Plan.)

"A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.  Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.  That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!  Makes you proud to be an American doesn't it?"  In this same vein, I saw a sign awhile back that read:  "Beer is now cheaper than gas so 'drink' don't 'drive.'"

While I am on the subject of gas, I want to share this item taken from another old clipping I found in a box my grandmother saved.  It is entitled:  "Ponder This, Car Drivers."  While it is many years old, I think it has the same meaning today it did when it was printed:  "According to computations of officials of the Chicago Motor Club, a motorist driving his car at 60 miles an hour travels at exactly the same speed as if his car had dripped from a height of 120 feet or an equivalent of an 8 story building.  Should he collide with an immovable object while speeding at 60 miles per hour, the crash would be the same as though he had driven his car from the roof of the imaginary 8 story building to the pavement below.  With the power of 60 horses under his feet and traveling at 60 miles an hour, a driver has an engine of destruction under his control that needs a much clearer head and steadier hand than most of us have."--True?  It definitely applies in many cases I am afraid.  Just something to think about when you are speeding down the highway at 60 plus miles per hour.

IDIOT SIGHTING:  When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!"  His reply, "I know.  I already got that side."  (DUH!)

In the upcoming 2012 election we have to STAY ALERT because they walk among us...and the scary part is that they VOTE and REPRODUCE and ACORN (or whatever their new name happens to be) is probably pre-registering them to vote for the umpteenth time as we speak.

Have a good week.

(Charlene's Freelance Publications, Barnard, KS.)